"I’m a ghost
that everyone can see;"

Sunday | February 9th MMXIV | 11PM

Hi my name is Phil. 

I started a new blog today, but that is not the point. I am here to write and free my mind from my thoughts. I am just. sitting silently writing, or should I say typing out what I feel in my mind. I have not expressed my thoughts in a long time. 

Dear Jillian,

        My beautiful girlfriend. I wish you could see physically how I feel about you. I wish you could see how I love you so much. I am sad right now for I don’t know what reason not knowing if I have done something wrong to you or said something offensive to you that upset you or made you sad. I miss you a lot. I miss physically touching your skin. 

        I can only imagine your hands wrapping around my face pulling me in closer towards you to press my lips against yours. To stare into our eyes like we want to kiss. All I can think in my head every time we see each other more and more. Is please stay, Stay. You keep me happy. You make me laugh. You care for me. 

         And I want you only. I want you so badly even when I already have you. I am and still am fighting for you even if you are my significant other. 

        I cannot sleep without seeing your presence at night. I cannot move, I cannot function. I am so crazily in love with you that my mind is filled with infinite thoughts of you. 

       Can you not understand that you are the one for me. That I will be serious of this now till the future that I want you to be my last. My last kiss and my last girlfriend. And my last lover. 

My heart aches so much when I don’t see you. When I upset you, when I fight with you, when we argue. 

My heart aches even more when I’m so happy being with you. Even when everything is going well I still miss you more and more. That I still worry, that I still fear that I am not good enough, that you will get tired of me. 

Because I am not going to give up no matter what. 

Because Jillian, I genuinely love you. 

I love you. 

It is past 11:11PM and there are no wishes to wish. Just goals that I want to accomplish with you. All I can do is have hope and faith. It has been 1 month and 17 days with you and I don’t regret any of those days as your significant other. 

I am sad and tearing. I hope you do not find this. You do not need to read of me feeling this way. 

Goodnight & Sweet Dreams my beautiful girlfriend.